As a parent of three late teenager/young adults, my husband and I took parenting very seriously. Over the years, I often wondered, “Are we doing the right thing? Are we setting the correct example?”. At Hendricks, Shane and I are hosting a book club based on Richard Weissbourd’s The Parents We Mean to Be. Dr. Weissbourd, a Harvard professor and dad, has interviewed hundreds of families and provides some startling research that I have listed below. I feel it can be very helpful to growing families.
Did you know?
- The widespread desire to be closer to our children (really a wonderful thing) and the intense focus that some have on their children’s happiness and achievements can turn children into self-involved, fragile conformists.
- Many Americans (2/3 of those interviewed) view happiness as more important than morals for their children.
- Many families want to pass along their own station in life. That is based on student achievement, so there can be a tendency to push students to achieve in areas when they may not be ready or willing to do so.
- We, as a society, spend a great deal of time and energy praising our kids and helping to protect them from emotional upsets. This can backfire, producing children who can’t manage stress and feel they must be perfect.
So what do we do?
- Teach and model appreciation of others, even if they are different.
- Teach your children to be kind and gracious to those who help them- store clerks, babysitters or servers in restaurant.
- Be a role model and require your child to view you as an authority, not a buddy.
- Encourage your child to stick it out if he or she has joined a group activity or sports team. Helps children to think about the team, not themselves.
- Most importantly, send the message that being kind, thoughtful and empathetic of others if more important than happiness. He also points out that being kind and helpful to others helps us be happy.
We will be meeting twice more, on January 29 and February 12 from 12-1. Please join us! You are welcome to read the book, but if not, just come join the discussion. We learn so much from one another.